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Weird dreams blog: The WTF edition
OK, this is a veritable hodge-podge of shite that somehow managed to squeeze everything even vaguely on my mind over the past week into one five-minute dream (this was between alarms on my phone, although the dream itself felt like four hours). No wonder I woke up a bit late and all confused, and I still haven’t had breakfast.
So I think it started…somehow…in the West Wing – as in, the little office outside the president’s office, cos I was there with Batman and Catwoman (chortle). We were looking for some secret compartment in the secretary’s desk and trying to figure out the secret code or procedure for opening it when suddenly, an alarm sounded, and we were on our own. So Catwoman flees into the president’s office, locks the door, and leaves Batman and I to scramble madly about for some way out. He managed to get the window open and jumped out, and when I went to follow him I saw that we were two floors up. Further, somewhere between the window and the ground Batman had turned into Neil deGrasse Tyson (I’m not even kidding). So he half helped me down and then we ran away, and then we were in some strange darkened room watching TV and talking about shite when these three women came in, all decked out in gaudy, glittering outfits with unruly curly hair. They proceeded to start singing really loudly, performing some sort of operatic aria in Greek. It was bizarre, to say the least. Especially because one of them started gyrating and I was really disturbed because somehow in the dream I was aware that these three women were Neil’s daughters – triplets, even – and it seemed horribly wrong and offensive.
Anytoot.
Then, I think I was in a lift with my family. Not sure if this part of the dream came first or the later riot involving Bane (ho ho, just wait), but anytoot – the five of us were chatting away when all of a sudden the lift started to go sideways, then upside down, then diagonal, and we were all hanging off the handles trying not to fall over. The weird thing was this was apparently totally normal, because I was the only one who seemed put out. When we got out at whatever floor we were meant to be on, we were in this busy corridor that may or may not have been leading to a big arena (Katniss, are you there?), and everyone was either pushing their way through or standing off to one side, looking forlorn and alone. Mum had to go and get us tickets for something while someone nearby loudly proclaimed that a guy was coming to fix the lift. When the guy arrived, it was Christopher Lloyd, and somehow in the dream this made a world of sense. I went to find mum and told her this, and she smiled and said, “Of course, of course.” She’d also gotten our tickets from what looked like an ice cream van and so we were on our way to wherever, when we passed a group of old people and I noticed Sir Richard Attenborough standing in the middle, looking perplexed.
I know that feel.
Next, we were in this large mansion – and one I recognised, must be some old museum or castle I’ve been to. Possibly even the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles, bejesus. Anytoot, there was chaos and mayhem all over the place, because Bane was there and giving everyone a piece of his mind. With his fists. As you do. And his mask had come off, cos in the midst of all the scuffling I saw that he had no nose – just this kind of red slit with stitches in it. For some reason, when I saw this I realised that a lot of bad things were going to happen, and so promptly decided that a swift exit was necessary. This was easier said than done because everyone was rioting around us. I think I was still with my mum but I don’t know who else was there, and then I was minding these two children as we tried to run away. We had to get some lift, which was awkward, because I was pushing this person in a wheelchair and we couldn’t get up the stairs. When we did get out, one of the children was lagging behind so I picked her up and sat her with the person in the wheelchair, and we all kept running.
THEN all of a sudden, mum and I were in Marseille, at some seaside cafe and I was looking around and reflecting on how different it seemed since my year in France. I was telling mum about how in Bel-Ami, he keeps some apartment in Marseille (he doesn’t, my brain invented this part) and just as I was saying this, I looked up and saw all these banners saying ‘Bel-Ami Tour’ hanging from a building above us and discovered that this was the apartment. Then mum went somewhere, and the waiter overheard me saying I might get some tea so he announced that he would bring me some, and for some reason I was worried I’d offended him so I apologised in French. Then I was inside and looking at the same seaside scene through a window in a hotel with the shutters half-pulled so the view was a bit obscured. Dad was there again, and both he and mum seemed really perturbed by something that was happening outside but I couldn’t figure out what it was. As they started to panic and decided it was time to go, I just kept staring at the sea and tried to figure out if something had fallen into the water from the sky while I wasn’t looking, just like at the end of Cloverfield.
Frankly, I’m amazed Gary Oldman didn’t pop up in here. Took me forever to get out of bed after all that.
I’m tired and going to see Magic Mike later.
Yep.
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